I may not fully know the depth of your pain, but if there's any comfort in the Words of the Lord, I would humbly share with you from the writings of one who have suffered greatly for his faith, the apostle Paul. He said in Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
God will work your circumstances for your good. It may not be apparent at the moment, but in time as we wait on Him, He will make your joy complete. For just as He suffered loss at the death of His Son on the cross, God encourages us to not to lose hope but to keep on with life, until we all bear the likeness of Christ, who suffered unimaginable pain and death for our sins.
The song "Blessings" expresses it well:
". . .what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise"
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